Don't be shocked:Y Thursday, January 04, 2007Y
5:49 PM
on medical leave today.. nothin serious.. surviving well kicking alive.. jus not feelin well... and the sudden rain today is making the whole room so cold. tot since i have the time today.. i shld flashbaq about 2@@6aH.. 2@@6 might have been the most adventurous, fun, happy memorable year yet the most upset year for me. Y has it been adventurous? cOs last year i had travelled to perth, thailand, went genting twice, went JB once and most of all and unexpected free trip to europe, hungary! and yes, the most courageous thing i did was to travel to hungary alone and also, to pick up my courage and move on alone since my breakup with kel. the mention of his name make me shiver. frankli speaking, becos' of all this holidays that came, it make me miss him more. i started to question myself, why do i miss him since i'm the one who initiate the breakup? i started to question myself recently if i still have feelings for him. and i given myself an ans: no. its juz the memory that is flowing baq to me and those lovely seasons that make me miss someone. and there's no one for me to miss except him. ah.. silly me right? anyway, since i decided to move on alone, no matter how the future is going to becum, either with some1 i love by myself, or to live alone for my whole life. i swear to myself i ll never regret for making this move.
hmm... baq to my flashbaq. why has it been fun? y has it been happy? well.. most of all, my family members are well n kickin alive like me. so is chan chan :) and basicalli i'm happy the moment i wake up. but somehow, this hasn't been what i'm feeling lateli. not sure why too.
anyway, had loads of food, loads of exercising, loads of drinks, loads of bowling sessions and movie sessions.. loads of shopping too i guess. and most of all, i'm also proud that all the sch thingie is not getting into me so huge till i gave up. though i did have a strong thought of giving it up.
and why has it been an upset year too? becos when this year is coming to an end, i started to reflect on myself. and started to open up to someone i knew for a v. long time but we din't spoke about certain topic i always wanted to talk about. and after that conversation in msn, i cried. and after that, i laff unbelieveably in my heart. know why? all of a sudden, i realise that for the past 10 years, i tot that the thing i like and people like about me are all a lie. lies. lies. lies. ppl hate me for that. and it bang me so hard. i keep asking myself.. is that real? i can't accept the fact. i always think that this is me, and this is who i am. and i'm going act this way till the day i die. guess i'm wrong. maybe i shouldn't be so stubborn. keep lying to myself that i dun care how people is looking at me. or perceiving who the person i am. all this. i keep telling myself i dun mind. but till the last few days before 2006 came to an end. i think it matters. i haven been laffing my way out, or enjoying life and what i had recently. it hasn't been me. but its ok. i know i ll be fine. i jus need my motivation to come baq to me. but i'm not sure how.
2@@7 Resolution:
One: Mind. Laugh more. Be more happy. Less worry.
Two: Work. Find baq the passion why i like to work. staying focus @ work.
Three: Learn. to ride bicycle. ( haha.. its suppose to be my resolution on 2006.. but i brot it forward..=))
Four: Travel. to at least 3 more countries i never been to before. Wishlist: to Taiwan & Germany. (anyway i'm going to india, so i hope my other 2 country is going to be what i wish for)
Five: Fitness. hope to continue my kickboxing lessons... or at least.. join something to stay fit.
Six: Obtain. driving license. i thought that its time to learn driving. but at least after i complete my studies.
Seven: Money. make sure my bank have @ least 10k by end of the year.
Eight: Love. Get into another relationship if possible.
Nine: Commitment. Get real committed into something......
Ten: World. Peace. wahahahaha
Dear MrM.
U are realli getting to my nerve. the sight of u make me upset. i do not wish to speak about ur name. i do not wish to rem u in my heart. i do not wish to think baq the memory i had w u. i jus wan to get on w my life. i am trying my v. best, to smile. so when u see me nx time. pls give me a smile baq too. this little gesture, will warm my cold hrt. it ll remind me that there's still love on earth. and every1 is an angel including u.