Don't be shocked:Y Thursday, July 13, 2006Y
10:23 PM
i hate moiself for being so strong. jus hate it. i want to break into tears and let everyone see i can cry. i noe how to cry. i wan to throw tantrum. give attitudes to everyone. i dun wan to laff i dun wan to smile. i jus hate myself for being so strong. where has my femine side gone to? i dunno. wad can make me cry? easy. give me a soap drama n i can cry non-stop. but in real life, when i met problems, i jus wan to cry, i jus wan to let ppl help me think of a way out, i wan to let ppl decide for me. but i jus cant. i'm like a bull in real life. i dun cry. i'm always seem so strong. i dun fall in love so easy. i dun feel sensitive to anyone @ all.is it good or bad? i always tot its good. but now, i'm wondering where i inherit all this "strongness"from. i jus feel like sulking the whole day today. maybe the past few mths i have been enjoying too much. having too much fun. now the god is playing a fool on me. maybe god wan me to learn to be softer. wan me to learn more and see clearli where my strengths and weaknesses are.
today i keep pondering, wad the hell am i sitting in the office sulking? do anyone realli care when no one knows u are actualli sitting there sulking? wad the fuck am i doing there? wad the fuck am i doing at that moment. its all jus fuck up.
yes, i'm angry. i'm piss. but i dunno wad the fuck i'm up to. maybe i'm piss @ that moment. when i'm angry, i feel sleepy. i jus wan to sleep. and yes, when i'm in the office today.. i was imagining i was lying on my bed. but i was overwhelm with too much work. wad the hell. work is not going to be done. so y push us?
darn. i haven been cursing for a period of time now.. today guess i wasn't in the best of moi mood. so pardon me for all the fucks and pisses. i ll be fine tmr.