Don't be shocked:Y Tuesday, June 06, 2006Y
10:08 PM
escaping from the fact. escaping from the reality. escaping from my deepest fear. escaping. i tink i cant. becos the fact, the reality is so fast that i'm impossible to outrun them. i cant run away.. can i? i'm fighting w time .. somehow i cant outbeat it. and it's making me sleepy in the morning, lethargic in the aftnn, dead at nite, and zombified at midnite. the books only make these negative effect to speed up the process.
counting down 08 days to the 1st suckie paper. i juz feel like giving up this "degree-holder- wannabe"idea..i nv had these thoughts before. i'm scared of exams. fear of it. never had b4. i always tink exams are as easy as snapping my fingers.. now i think i'm bad at snapping now. my fingers have become stiff metals. thats why they cant snap.
in fact, i have been sort of running away. i have been finding excuse to give my self break. even if its jus staring in blank. its a break. but i realli feel very bad abot this. i dunno why. i'm jus guilty. i only noe i have been doing my best. i tried. but i cant. apologies for those who cared about me. i'm jus sorry. i'm brain is blocked. the brain juice aren't producing by itself. i need to squeeze them myself. and now. its dried.
another fear i have... my poor command in english. i think i don't even noe how to form a complete sentence. what if i'm jus happen to suffer from mental block when i saw my exam paper?
i have say in my blog b4.. i'm not as strong as u guys think.. now i feel.. u guys aren't as strong i tink so too.. its not a -ve comment. i juz tink all of us are wearing a mask in front.. but we are still a weak human. i feel weak now too.
2mr i need to return to work after fri till now. i check my email ytd.. and there's like 500 mails already... so by today guess it will reach 800.. the mails dun scare me. is the work that is scaring me. i have been broading alot abot work these few days even i'm on leave. i'm more stress abot work den exams. what the hack. who realli gives a hack other then me?
this bloggin thing is actualli wasting abit of my time. maybe i wont be bloggin so soon till the sea becomes peaceful. and me .. this pathetic, un-important small canoe.. meet the calm waters.
jus hope everything ll go smoothli. i need a break. give me kit kat.
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